Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I'm Afraid of Siri

For Mother's Day my husband insisted I get a new iPhone 4S. With Siri. My argument against this was, if Siri can't change diapers, massage my feet, or get me a table at Le Bernardin, then she's useless.

Also, I have a crippling fear of robots. I've seen 2001: A Space Odessy and all the Terminator movies, I know what's up.

I got a Siri anyway.

My fear of robots started when I was 7 years old and went to see Superman III with my family and hid my face in my mother's shoulder during that part at the end where the giant supercomputer turns that lady into a robot who shoots lasers out her eyes. My mother, helpful as always, narrated for me what I was missing by hiding and not looking, because if there's anything more terrifying to a 7-year old than watching a lady robot shoot lasers out her eyeballs, it's being told by your mom about it. My mom wasn't matter-of-fact, either. Or sympathetic. She was gleeful. "She turned into a ROBOT!" with this tone that sounded like, "I cannot possibly be more excited to destroy your sense of security and safety, and to stay awake with you for the next three weeks while you don't sleep! Also, there really is a boogeyman under your bed who wants to eat you, and the next time you refuse to eat broccoli I'm going to sell you to Gypsies!"

Fun fact: A few years ago, as a 30-something adult, I tried watching Superman III for the first time since I was 7, and I couldn't do it. 

Since then I have what I consider to be a healthy fear of robots, and Siri is no exception. The Terminator movies aren't just good entertainment, people. They are dire warnings, and possibly predictions!



(Photo from: http://www.nakedfanmail.com/tag/the-terminator/)

Short. Straight. Line. People.

Me: "Siri, are you self-aware?"

Yes, I have Siri call me "Your Highness." I want her to remember who's boss.

If you had told me when I was 7 years old that one day I would own a phone that was actively plotting the destruction of all humankind, I would totally have believed you.

Start stockpiling water and supplies, especially guns, and for goodness' sake, where is John Connor?


Susannah Sandlin said...

This is so funny! Great post. I've learned that Siri has trouble understanding Southern accents, however, so you might try disguising your voice :-)

Monica Stoner said...

I activated my Droid this last March and I still can't figure out what most of the buttons do

Rebecca Heflin said...

Hilarious! You are not alone in your fear of robots. I'm right there with you. I try to pretend Siri doesn't exist. ( :

You might enjoy this: http://shitthatsirisays.tumblr.com/

Meredith said...

Susannah, great idea! This way when the robots take over she won't recognize my real voice.... Very clever.

Meredith said...

Monica, Droids are the scariest of all. Let me tell you what the buttons are: "Destroy all humans," "Resistance is futile," and "Bow to your new computer overlords."

Meredith said...

Rebecca, HA! Too funny.

Anonymous said...

I like to ask Siri where I can hide a dead body. The choices are...interesting. I've also asked her to sing me a song... and she does! My 4 yr old got a hold of Siri one day and told her that she loved her. Siri told her, "I hope you don't say that to all the mobile phones."

Seriously... taking over the world...they've become sentient beings!

P.S. Did you ever watch Star Wars??? R2D2 and C3PO??? LOL

Meredith said...

Did I ever watch Star Wars? DID I EVER WATCH STAR WARS??? Are you kidding????

Angela Giles Klocke said...

HA HA HA! You're making me happy I didn't get that version of the iPhone. ;)