Friday, June 15, 2012

An Open Letter To: The New Tenants

Dear New Tenants in Our Old Apartment:


I know you intercepted both a package and a card meant for our new baby. I don't know why you chose to keep both these things, despite my note on your door with my phone number and email address so I could come pick them up. 


I also know you cashed the $200 check my aunt included in the card meant for the baby. That takes a lot of balls, New Tenants. Unless you coincidentally have the exact same name as my youngest child - which is highly unlikely - I have no idea why or how your bank went ahead and deposited $200 into your account. I can only hope someone there catches this oversight at some point and fines you $200.


Here's what else I hope for you:


I hope every time you get in line at the supermarket, the person ahead of you pays in pennies.


I hope every time you try to have a picnic in the park, a sudden thunderstorm breaks.


I hope you get an infestation of mosquitoes this summer. (I used to live there. It's entirely possible.)


I hope you develop chronic ingrown toenails.


I hope every time you place a food order it gets delivered to you missing one item.


I hope your laptop, portable DVD player, smart phone, iPad, e-reader, or other personal entertainment device dies five minutes into a long flight.


I hope you never get a table at Al Di La.


I hope you never get a cab in the rain.


I hope your DVR always cuts off your favorite shows 2 minutes before the ending.


And mostly, I hope that someone does this to you some day, so you'll know how it feels when people try to celebrate something special with you, but accidentally send gifts to your old address, and the people there keep your stuff instead of calling or emailing you to come get them.


Jerks.


Most sincerely,
The Previous Tenant

11 comments:

Lynne Kensington said...

Hi Meredith!

Read some of the comments from the SA group and I have to agree. Not only is it theft, it is mail fraud, which is a FEDERAL crime. They can be nailed to the wall for this. Junk mail can be pitched, but if it's addressed to YOU specifically, they must return it to the post office. I'd call the police and maybe a lawyer, in case the police for some reason don't help you.

It is pretty damned low to steal from a new mother and her child. Brings taking candy from a baby to a whole new low.

Caveat: I am not a lawyer or police officer--I just hear things.

Meredith L. said...

Thanks. My aunt doesn't really want to do anything. She called her bank and they investigated, but told her in order to investigate further she'd need a lawyer, and she doesn't want to deal with the hassle. Since it's her $200 we're taking her lead and letting it go.

Isobel Higley said...

A fantastic and creative wish list.

Meredith L. said...

Thank you. I very sincerely mean every word.

The Referee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HiDee said...

I'm with Lynne, there ought to be something that can be done. I understand your aunt's reluctance to deal with the hassle, but on the other hand, that means the new tenants are getting away with it. Too bad there isn't a way to get to them through the landlord...

Tori said...

This is a good list. I will add my own standard wish for retribution: a large, stinky BM and precisely one square of TP.

Single ply.

Meredith L. said...

HiDee, you are right, and I hate the thought of them getting away with it, but I can't force my aunt to do anything. *sigh*

Meredith L. said...

Tori, I think we might be soul mates.

Angie unduplicated said...

It is quite possible that they, or a family member, share your name. I have a regrettably common name and my mail, UPS, and FedEx have been found in other hands over the years. Expect burglary attempts; upgrade your security.
I hope they OD fatally and thereby make the world a better place to live.

Meredith L. said...

Thanks, Angie. I appreciate your terrible thoughts towards them.

They may have the same last name, but it is highly doubtful they have my son's exact name.