This year for Thanksgiving I am grateful for my wonderful family, my health, my baby-to-be, Twizzlers, the Red Sox failure to make it into the post-season, and J.R. Martinez winning Dancing With the Stars Season 13.
What I am not thankful for is the 2-hour finale starting at 9. Some of us are tired. Some of us are pregnant. Some of us need sleep, and staying up until 11 is mean. You could have started at 8, DWTS, is all I'm saying.
I've been predicting since Week 4 that J.R. would win, so I wasn't that surprised. But I did worry that the judges' collective crush on Rob Kardashian might create an unpleasant upset. Not that Rob isn't adorable and cute and a good dancer, but if J.R. lost it would be like shaking hands with Hitler: disturbing, wrong, and un-American.
J.R.: "Thank you to everyone who voted for me!"
Me: "YOU'RE WELCOME."
In one of many shockers of the night, Ricki Lake came in third place, but she seemed to be a good sport about it, which is good, because I remember when Layla Ali wasn't a good sport about coming in third and that made me lose respect for her which then made me afraid of her because I bet she could totally feel my lack of respect through the T.V. and wanted to reach out and punch me in the face, like it's somehow my fault she doesn't know how to lose gracefully. At least Ricki didn't do that, though maybe she did and they just didn't show it? No, I can't sleep at night thinking about that, so we're all going to pretend that Ricki was a graceful nerd with a hairy chest. Did anyone else do that rhyme growing up? "First is worst, second's best, third is the nerd with the hairy chest." No? Ok.
The biggest shocker of the night, in my opinion, was that J.R. did not choose his Samba from Week 5 for his third dance of the night. That was probably my favorite dance of the entire season. But later on, when he had to do an Instant Samba, it sort of made more sense. And he didn't do the Waltz from Week 3, but I kind of get that because it is super-emotional, and if it made me cry my eyes out and I don't even know J.R. personally and am not, you know, him, then I can't imagine him forcing himself to do it again.
So, whatever, he did his Jive and it was fine, but here's the thing: forcing the dancers to do 3-4 dances in two nights was just cruel. In spite of the judges' gushing accolades, J.R., Rob, and even Ricki just fell flat last night. I know, I'm not supposed to say that, I'm supposed to be all, "It was everyone's best dances ever and the crowning jewel in the Dancing With the Stars tiara of joy!" But I can't. Because that's a lie. Everyone was tired, and I think forcing Rob and J.R. to do an instant Samba was unnecessary and made me feel bad for them because they were clearly exhausted. At that point in the show I seriously doubt the Instant Samba made the difference in who won, and it wasn't fun to watch.
Know what was fun to watch? Carson Kressley's dance to Madonna's "Vogue." Well, it was fun if you ignore the fact that poor Carson can't dance his way out of a wet paper bag, but I still enjoyed it.
And I'm glad that Chynna Philips got to redeem herself with her Tango, but more importantly, I'm glad I got to see my Tony dance one last time this season. I LOVE YOU TONY YOU ARE TOTALLY MY FAVORITE PRO!!! <3 <3 <3
But if we're going to talk about the finals, and I mean really talk about the finals here in the intimacy of my blog, we need to talk about the freestyle dances from Monday night, specifically J.R. and Karina's lifts. Did they turn off the gravity in the DWTS ballroom for those? Is Karina hollow inside? IS J.R. REALLY SUPERMAN??? I think Carrie-Ann summed up those lifts best: "sick." In a good way.
Anyway, I'm at the point in this post-mortem where there is probably tons more to say, but I can't, because J.R. won and all is right with the world, and also I am trying to spend time with my family for the holiday week. Next season starts a few days after my due date, so we'll see if I am capable of doing these post-mortems. We'll see, but hopefully I will be back with these in March, despite a newborn. Priorities, you know.
Thanks for hanging in there with me, everyone, and especially thank you to my awesome husband for putting up with my obsession even though he hates the show. <3
Showing posts with label J.R. Martinez. Show all posts
Showing posts with label J.R. Martinez. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Dancing With the Stars Post-Mortem: Week 9
I was so afraid I was going to have to start this post with a giant, "NOOOOOOO!" because of J.R.'s ankle. What if I jinxed him? What if he gets the boot because of me? I was too tired to text in my votes Monday night and what if there's a huge upset on Tuesday because of my laziness?
Thankfully, I did not cause J.R. to get eliminated. If he had been, I'm not sure I could live with myself. With everything else going on in the news lately I am sorely tempted to move my family to a log cabin in the woods and live as solitary survivalists, and J.R. not making it to the finals may very well have pushed me over the edge.
Because he's still in, we don't have to break the lease on our new apartment.
This is how the world works when you live with me.
Meanwhile, my husband loves the DWTS finals because, as he puts it, "When that show ends, we all win." See, he says stuff like that, and yet he will also comment on the dances. He pretends to play Angry Birds next to me on the couch, but I think he secretly loves DWTS.
Also: MUPPETS!
Nothing on earth makes me as happy as the Muppets do. So Muppets on DWTS? It's like all my Christmases and birthdays rolled into one! Why aren't the Muppets on every week???
And Carson Kressley. I <3 you. Never leave the show!!!
Now, if I were Hope Solo, and I was pretty sure that barring Rob or J.R. or Ricki dropping dead I was going to be eliminated this week, you know what I would NOT do? Start my Paso Doble in chains. And sit on the floor in the middle of my Paso while Maks dances around me. But that's just me; I've seen a lot of seasons of this show and I know what needs to happen in the semi-finals in order to advance to the championship dance. Maybe Hope didn't know these things. Maybe Maks forgot? Maybe he was so busy holding her hand during her shoulder injections and trying to be a Nice Guy that he didn't think, "Hey, the semi-finals are no place for wasting time with chains and floor-sitting!"
Then again, maybe they both knew, which is why neither of them were at all surprised when Hope got eliminated last night. We'll just never know.
Their Argentine Tango, though....whew! HOT! RAWR!
Husband: "Doesn't someone do a Tango to that song every season?"
See? He pays lots of attention for someone who professes to hate this show with the passion of a thousand dying suns.
He also called her fringe pants during her part of the Cha-Cha relay "gorilla legs." I'm just saying.
Still, the sexy, steamy Tango could not save Hope from the merciless producers who have clearly wanted her to go from Week 1, but more on that later.
Now, J.R. sprained his ankle during rehearsals, but he took a page from the book of Ricki Lake - and also, let's face it, the dude is probably the toughest man on the planet - and kept going. His Paso was not his best dance, but I didn't think it was as bad as Len said it was. His footwork was surprisingly crisp and precise for having an ankle injury, and I've already said that I know from ankle injuries.
His Argentine Tango was also fine, and for a second dance on a hurt ankle, he not only pulled it off he actually impressed the judges. I knew they couldn't stay disappointed in him for long.
I admit, I was embarrassed for Rob when he and Cheryl came out on that parade float with the giant blow-up rainbow behind them. But I also admit that I kind of loved their Samba. I loved it so much that I woke up the next day with "I Go to Rio" stuck in my head, and sang it for my 3-year old son, the Juban Princeling, when he woke up, so we Samba'ed together from his room to the kitchen. It was highly cute. Oh yeah, and Rob got his first perfect score to this dance.
After Rob's Argentine Tango, the judges pointed out that Rob is actually a good dancer, and not hiding behind Cheryl, which is true. I've said before and I'll say again how much I hate when stars don't really put any dance in their dances and still continue from one week to the next, or even win the mirrorball trophy. I'm looking at YOU, Emmett Smith. When the pros don't have a strong dancer, they have a tendency to have the stars simply stand there while they do all the dancing. This is more obvious with female stars and male pros than it is with male stars and female pros, which is how Emmett Smith won a few years ago. But Rob doesn't do that, and I'm glad the judges noticed.
So, Ricki Lake. I like her so much, but is her whole "I'm no good at this!" schtick getting under anyone else's nerves? It's a little annoying, I think, to make it this far in the competition and still act surprised when you do well. She's like that friend we all have who apologizes all the time for everything, and at first you're like, "No, really, you're fine!" but then after a while you're like, "Seriously, stop. You're making me feel like a monster here." Ricki - you are in the finals. I think it's OK to be proud of yourself.
Anyway, Ricki and Derek did a Samba to "Jump in the Line," which is another song my husband is sure someone does a Samba to every season. And again: he hates this show and tries to distract himself every week when I watch it, but this he notices. Mmm-hmm. (I'm going to end up divorced after this post.) And I didn't notice any glaring problems with the Samba, despite Ricki's sour puss when she finished, and clearly the judges agreed with me because Ricki got a perfect score. So, you know, just smile and say "Thank you," Ricki. Oy.
Her Argentine Tango was excellent. Of course. Just...stop demanding external validation already!
Anyhoodle.
I'd like to take a second and point out how much I enjoyed the Design-A-Dance. Even my husband liked it because he is in love with Anna Trebunskaya. What can I say, he likes bossy redheads. I like it when the Paso costumes are more black leather and Goth-ey, it goes with the dance. (Husband: "Well, yeah. Gothic and Paso Doble go together because who do you think the original goths were, as in the Visigoths who ruled Spain?") I've also always thought that "Bad Romance" would be a kick-ass Paso song. And I was right. Of course.
In fact, some day when I am finally just famous enough to be on DWTS, here is my song list. Oh, I know I won't get to pick my own songs, but here's my list anyway:
Paso Doble: "I Love Rock n' Roll" by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
Samba: "The Rhythm of the Night" by El Debarge
Argentine Tango: "Common People" by Pulp (is that Sadie Frost in the video?)
Mambo: "Conga" by Miami Sound Machine
Cha-Cha: "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure
Jive: "Just Can't Get Enough" by Depeche Mode
Rhumba: "On and On" by Stephen Bishop
Quickstep: "A Little Respect" by Erasure
Foxtrot: "Galileo" by Indigo Girls
Waltz: "Angels" by Robbie Williams
Freestyle (for when I make it to the finals): "Say Hey (I Love You)" by Michael Franti & Spearhead
Learn it, know it, love it, DWTS producers. Also: if you pair me with anyone but Tony Dovolani as my partner, I will cut a bitch.
Yes, I've put a lot of thought into this, and maybe if I put this much effort into my writing career I'd be published already.
So, Hope Solo got eliminated last night, to absolutely no one's surprise, least of all hers or Maks's. You could tell by the way Maks embraced her before the announcement that he totally saw this coming. And so did she. She had none of Nancy Grace's (possibly false) bravado, and was not at all stunned to find herself in the bottom two like J.R. was.
And here's another example of inconsistency in judging. I know I'm not a professional ballroom judge, but I never thought Hope's dancing was as bad as all that. Len, Bruno and Carrie-Ann seemed to pick on her a lot when there were always worse dancers around. Hope was actually kind of good, though she had no shot in hell of winning. But the producers of the show clearly had their favorites, and Hope was not one of them. I think this might be what Maks - and, many seasons ago, Derek - tried to say, though it came off as a self-serving rant: that for some contestants, the odds are stacked against them and no matter what they do they aren't going to win. I hate to sound paranoid, but I do believe that's how it is on this show. There are fan favorites who stay voted on, but there are also producer favorites, kept around for ratings reasons no matter how poorly they dance. (See above, re: Emmett Smith.) And poor Hope was not one of the faves. Maybe she wasn't controversial enough or didn't have a famous mama, but clearly her fans kept her alive far past the point which the producers - through the judges - would have kicked her off.
So, we are nearly at the end of our DWTS run (husband: "Thank god!"). Next week we have the finals, which is always super fun because I like seeing what everyone chooses for their freestyle dances. Here's some free advice, Ricki, Rob and J.R.: don't do a slow song. Do something fun and fast and energetic. The slow songs are pretty much death knells in the finals.
Stay tuned!
Thankfully, I did not cause J.R. to get eliminated. If he had been, I'm not sure I could live with myself. With everything else going on in the news lately I am sorely tempted to move my family to a log cabin in the woods and live as solitary survivalists, and J.R. not making it to the finals may very well have pushed me over the edge.
Because he's still in, we don't have to break the lease on our new apartment.
This is how the world works when you live with me.
Meanwhile, my husband loves the DWTS finals because, as he puts it, "When that show ends, we all win." See, he says stuff like that, and yet he will also comment on the dances. He pretends to play Angry Birds next to me on the couch, but I think he secretly loves DWTS.
Also: MUPPETS!
Nothing on earth makes me as happy as the Muppets do. So Muppets on DWTS? It's like all my Christmases and birthdays rolled into one! Why aren't the Muppets on every week???
And Carson Kressley. I <3 you. Never leave the show!!!
Now, if I were Hope Solo, and I was pretty sure that barring Rob or J.R. or Ricki dropping dead I was going to be eliminated this week, you know what I would NOT do? Start my Paso Doble in chains. And sit on the floor in the middle of my Paso while Maks dances around me. But that's just me; I've seen a lot of seasons of this show and I know what needs to happen in the semi-finals in order to advance to the championship dance. Maybe Hope didn't know these things. Maybe Maks forgot? Maybe he was so busy holding her hand during her shoulder injections and trying to be a Nice Guy that he didn't think, "Hey, the semi-finals are no place for wasting time with chains and floor-sitting!"
Then again, maybe they both knew, which is why neither of them were at all surprised when Hope got eliminated last night. We'll just never know.
Their Argentine Tango, though....whew! HOT! RAWR!
Husband: "Doesn't someone do a Tango to that song every season?"
See? He pays lots of attention for someone who professes to hate this show with the passion of a thousand dying suns.
He also called her fringe pants during her part of the Cha-Cha relay "gorilla legs." I'm just saying.
Still, the sexy, steamy Tango could not save Hope from the merciless producers who have clearly wanted her to go from Week 1, but more on that later.
Now, J.R. sprained his ankle during rehearsals, but he took a page from the book of Ricki Lake - and also, let's face it, the dude is probably the toughest man on the planet - and kept going. His Paso was not his best dance, but I didn't think it was as bad as Len said it was. His footwork was surprisingly crisp and precise for having an ankle injury, and I've already said that I know from ankle injuries.
His Argentine Tango was also fine, and for a second dance on a hurt ankle, he not only pulled it off he actually impressed the judges. I knew they couldn't stay disappointed in him for long.
I admit, I was embarrassed for Rob when he and Cheryl came out on that parade float with the giant blow-up rainbow behind them. But I also admit that I kind of loved their Samba. I loved it so much that I woke up the next day with "I Go to Rio" stuck in my head, and sang it for my 3-year old son, the Juban Princeling, when he woke up, so we Samba'ed together from his room to the kitchen. It was highly cute. Oh yeah, and Rob got his first perfect score to this dance.
After Rob's Argentine Tango, the judges pointed out that Rob is actually a good dancer, and not hiding behind Cheryl, which is true. I've said before and I'll say again how much I hate when stars don't really put any dance in their dances and still continue from one week to the next, or even win the mirrorball trophy. I'm looking at YOU, Emmett Smith. When the pros don't have a strong dancer, they have a tendency to have the stars simply stand there while they do all the dancing. This is more obvious with female stars and male pros than it is with male stars and female pros, which is how Emmett Smith won a few years ago. But Rob doesn't do that, and I'm glad the judges noticed.
So, Ricki Lake. I like her so much, but is her whole "I'm no good at this!" schtick getting under anyone else's nerves? It's a little annoying, I think, to make it this far in the competition and still act surprised when you do well. She's like that friend we all have who apologizes all the time for everything, and at first you're like, "No, really, you're fine!" but then after a while you're like, "Seriously, stop. You're making me feel like a monster here." Ricki - you are in the finals. I think it's OK to be proud of yourself.
Anyway, Ricki and Derek did a Samba to "Jump in the Line," which is another song my husband is sure someone does a Samba to every season. And again: he hates this show and tries to distract himself every week when I watch it, but this he notices. Mmm-hmm. (I'm going to end up divorced after this post.) And I didn't notice any glaring problems with the Samba, despite Ricki's sour puss when she finished, and clearly the judges agreed with me because Ricki got a perfect score. So, you know, just smile and say "Thank you," Ricki. Oy.
Her Argentine Tango was excellent. Of course. Just...stop demanding external validation already!
Anyhoodle.
I'd like to take a second and point out how much I enjoyed the Design-A-Dance. Even my husband liked it because he is in love with Anna Trebunskaya. What can I say, he likes bossy redheads. I like it when the Paso costumes are more black leather and Goth-ey, it goes with the dance. (Husband: "Well, yeah. Gothic and Paso Doble go together because who do you think the original goths were, as in the Visigoths who ruled Spain?") I've also always thought that "Bad Romance" would be a kick-ass Paso song. And I was right. Of course.
In fact, some day when I am finally just famous enough to be on DWTS, here is my song list. Oh, I know I won't get to pick my own songs, but here's my list anyway:
Paso Doble: "I Love Rock n' Roll" by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
Samba: "The Rhythm of the Night" by El Debarge
Argentine Tango: "Common People" by Pulp (is that Sadie Frost in the video?)
Mambo: "Conga" by Miami Sound Machine
Cha-Cha: "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure
Jive: "Just Can't Get Enough" by Depeche Mode
Rhumba: "On and On" by Stephen Bishop
Quickstep: "A Little Respect" by Erasure
Foxtrot: "Galileo" by Indigo Girls
Waltz: "Angels" by Robbie Williams
Freestyle (for when I make it to the finals): "Say Hey (I Love You)" by Michael Franti & Spearhead
Learn it, know it, love it, DWTS producers. Also: if you pair me with anyone but Tony Dovolani as my partner, I will cut a bitch.
Yes, I've put a lot of thought into this, and maybe if I put this much effort into my writing career I'd be published already.
So, Hope Solo got eliminated last night, to absolutely no one's surprise, least of all hers or Maks's. You could tell by the way Maks embraced her before the announcement that he totally saw this coming. And so did she. She had none of Nancy Grace's (possibly false) bravado, and was not at all stunned to find herself in the bottom two like J.R. was.
And here's another example of inconsistency in judging. I know I'm not a professional ballroom judge, but I never thought Hope's dancing was as bad as all that. Len, Bruno and Carrie-Ann seemed to pick on her a lot when there were always worse dancers around. Hope was actually kind of good, though she had no shot in hell of winning. But the producers of the show clearly had their favorites, and Hope was not one of them. I think this might be what Maks - and, many seasons ago, Derek - tried to say, though it came off as a self-serving rant: that for some contestants, the odds are stacked against them and no matter what they do they aren't going to win. I hate to sound paranoid, but I do believe that's how it is on this show. There are fan favorites who stay voted on, but there are also producer favorites, kept around for ratings reasons no matter how poorly they dance. (See above, re: Emmett Smith.) And poor Hope was not one of the faves. Maybe she wasn't controversial enough or didn't have a famous mama, but clearly her fans kept her alive far past the point which the producers - through the judges - would have kicked her off.
So, we are nearly at the end of our DWTS run (husband: "Thank god!"). Next week we have the finals, which is always super fun because I like seeing what everyone chooses for their freestyle dances. Here's some free advice, Ricki, Rob and J.R.: don't do a slow song. Do something fun and fast and energetic. The slow songs are pretty much death knells in the finals.
Stay tuned!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Dancing With the Stars Post-Mortem: Week 8
This week's episode almost cost me my marriage. When Ricki Lake spoke with Jennifer Grey, my husband actually asked me: "Who is that?" That's Jennifer Grey. "And what is she famous for?" She won a couple of seasons ago. "Yeah, but what is she known for?"
To which I answered: Get out of the house. I'm divorcing you.
NO ONE PUTS BABY IN A CORNER! Not even metaphorically!
He's lucky I let him stay and didn't make him sleep in the bath tub, amiright?
Speaking of things that I simply will not brook, what was up with the gay jokes on Dance Center during last night's results show? Usually I love Dance Center. I look forward to it all season long, along with the group dance and the first perfect score of the season. Here is what I emailed to ABC:
Sighing and moving on.
Monday night the remaining five contestants did one regular dance and then one "instant" Jive, in which they had rehearsed basic moves but did not know their song until 20 minutes before performing. Which I guess is kind of interesting, and I liked seeing how the different professionals handled the pressure of the instant dance.
The Jive makes my ankles hurt just watching it. I can't imagine having to do it. I have weak ankles anyway, and my left ankle never healed properly from a fall I took when I was 17, so I feel like if I tried to Jive my entire left leg would just shatter. I'd have to pull a Layla Ali and dance in sneakers or something, and even then my left ankle would collapse under me and I'd fall and Tom would have to cut to commercial and when the show resumed there'd be footage of the ambulance taking me away and Tony - who would obvs be my professional partner - would have to make a statement about how much I love dancing but we just can't continue with the show because the doctors now have to reattach my foot directly to my shin bone.
So maybe it's for the best that I will never be on the show, despite every wish I make when I blow out candles on my birthday cake.
Rob Kardashian - whom, I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of crushing on a little bit and it makes me hate myself - did a bloody wonderful Quickstep to "Take On Me," which makes all us Gen Xers very happy. I like when the couples do Old Timey dances to modern (well, modernish) songs, just like I love modern interpretations of Shakespeare. Keeps things relevant and interesting, you know?
Raise your hand if you ever thought you'd see anything done by a Kardashian compared to Shakespeare. Right???
His Jive to "Maneater" - another 80s shout-out - was so-so, but you gotta give the boy some credit for doing two dances in one night, with the second one being practically by the seat of his striped pants, which my husband hated. (Me: "Maybe Cheryl's trying to draw extra attention to his butt this week?")
During their backstage confessional, or whatever it's called, Cheryl pointed out that it's been a while since she's come this far in the competition, which reminds me: like Macks, Cheryl excels at taking mediocre dancers and turning them into actual contenders. Personally, she rubs me the wrong way. I feel like we would not be friends in real life. She's just too abrasive for me, and reminds me of one of my husband's law school friend's ex-girlfriends who was always up in everyone's business and kind of a spaz. But she's good at what she does and she brings out the best in her partners, so if Rob actually makes it to the finals it'll be because Cheryl is a brilliant teacher.
Speaking of Maks, he brought Hope Solo home to meet his family last week, and even after seeing Mama Maks and hearing stories about what a whiny little crybaby he used to be, I still think he's a douche. And also, I usually assume he's hooking up with his partners, but with Hope I never really got that vibe, so I couldn't really wrap my brain around the sight of him taking her home to Mom and Dad for a home cooked meal that looked DELICIOUS. However, Maks seems to have gotten it through his head that he catches more flies with honey than with being a petulant, megalomaniac douchebag, because he actually smiled and played nice this week and it didn't seem fake, for once. I absolutely adored Hope's Quickstep to "Valerie," which was fun and breezy and quite sweet. If she can do that again next week it'll be tough deciding whether she or Rob should go home.
Her Jive to "The Best Damn Thing" was also quite good, though I had to laugh when they kept dancing even after the song ended. D'oh! Timing FAIL! I'm glad she scored even just one point higher for her Jive than Rob did, because hers was actually much better.
The only reason I have to root against Ricki Lake is that I feel like the Hough siblings dominate this competition, and quite frankly, I grow weary of their wholesome blond perfection. But that's my personal itch to scratch. Otherwise Ricki is lovely, and her Waltz to "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman" was touching and emotional, and I'm surprised Carrie Ann didn't do her usual "I"m trying not to cry!" she does after almost every Waltz. Also, what was up with Ricki's massive pompadour hair?
Ricki had to do her Jive to "Land of a Thousand Dances," which is not a song I would ever choose for DWTS. It's a fun song, and I love Wilson Pickett, but I would think that, ironically, it's a tough song to do a ballroom dance to. Still, if anyone could pull it off it's Mr. "I Can't Fail!" Derek, and their Jive was pretty good. Not great, but a few beats better than average, even despite Ricki being forced to dig her heels into the floor during the turn so that the Lift Nazi Carrie Ann wouldn't dock her a point.
Oh, Nancy Grace. You're so cute thinking you were going to make it past this week without any of the other four breaking a leg. Kudos for not giving in to what has to be all-consuming jealousy and pulling a Tonya Harding. That's restraint, people.
Nancy's Tango to "The Naughty Lady of Shady Lane" was a noble effort, but lackluster. Her footwork was sloppy, and I did not understand the judges gushing over her. Also, WTF is up with that song? It made me feel icky inside.
Nancy's Jive to "Upside Down" was just plain not good. No, worse than that - it was painful to watch. I cringed. And this is why she could never win this competition: she lacks the stamina to do more than one dance per night and can't hold her shit together the way the others can.
La la la, J.R. Martinez's Waltz to "What the World Needs Now" was perfect and so was his Jive to "Tutti Frutti." We all know he's going to win, so at this point the question is simply, who will be his competition in the finals? Ricki is the obvious choice, but Rob and Hope should not be counted out just yet.
So, Nancy got sent home to the surprise of no one, except possibly Nancy. Was that all bluff when she talked about being down but not out yet? Or did she really think she had a chance? Either way, she made it farther than I thought she would, so that's something for her to be proud of. I will miss Tristan and his cute little accent and his cute little costumes, though.
Next week is the semi-finals, and I honestly can't even begin to predict what will happen. J.R. will make it for sure, and odds are Ricki will, too. I think next week will be devoted to Rob vs Hope for the third spot in the finals, and your guess is as good as mine about which one will make it. If Rob can bring the energy and focus he did this week, and if Hope can relax and trust Maks like she did this week, then it will be a very tight race, indeed. Stay tuned!
To which I answered: Get out of the house. I'm divorcing you.
NO ONE PUTS BABY IN A CORNER! Not even metaphorically!
He's lucky I let him stay and didn't make him sleep in the bath tub, amiright?
Speaking of things that I simply will not brook, what was up with the gay jokes on Dance Center during last night's results show? Usually I love Dance Center. I look forward to it all season long, along with the group dance and the first perfect score of the season. Here is what I emailed to ABC:
Why the gay joke regarding J.R. Martinez and Broadway last night during the results show? That was a cheap shot, and beneath the integrity of the entire network. Jerry Rice's sly little, "Don't ask! Don't tell!" aside made light of an important issue that has affected an enormous amount of our hard-working, self-sacrificing service members. Gay jokes, and making light of DADT, are NOT OK.I'm more than a little bothered that in 2011 this even happened.
Sighing and moving on.
Monday night the remaining five contestants did one regular dance and then one "instant" Jive, in which they had rehearsed basic moves but did not know their song until 20 minutes before performing. Which I guess is kind of interesting, and I liked seeing how the different professionals handled the pressure of the instant dance.
The Jive makes my ankles hurt just watching it. I can't imagine having to do it. I have weak ankles anyway, and my left ankle never healed properly from a fall I took when I was 17, so I feel like if I tried to Jive my entire left leg would just shatter. I'd have to pull a Layla Ali and dance in sneakers or something, and even then my left ankle would collapse under me and I'd fall and Tom would have to cut to commercial and when the show resumed there'd be footage of the ambulance taking me away and Tony - who would obvs be my professional partner - would have to make a statement about how much I love dancing but we just can't continue with the show because the doctors now have to reattach my foot directly to my shin bone.
So maybe it's for the best that I will never be on the show, despite every wish I make when I blow out candles on my birthday cake.
Rob Kardashian - whom, I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of crushing on a little bit and it makes me hate myself - did a bloody wonderful Quickstep to "Take On Me," which makes all us Gen Xers very happy. I like when the couples do Old Timey dances to modern (well, modernish) songs, just like I love modern interpretations of Shakespeare. Keeps things relevant and interesting, you know?
Raise your hand if you ever thought you'd see anything done by a Kardashian compared to Shakespeare. Right???
His Jive to "Maneater" - another 80s shout-out - was so-so, but you gotta give the boy some credit for doing two dances in one night, with the second one being practically by the seat of his striped pants, which my husband hated. (Me: "Maybe Cheryl's trying to draw extra attention to his butt this week?")
During their backstage confessional, or whatever it's called, Cheryl pointed out that it's been a while since she's come this far in the competition, which reminds me: like Macks, Cheryl excels at taking mediocre dancers and turning them into actual contenders. Personally, she rubs me the wrong way. I feel like we would not be friends in real life. She's just too abrasive for me, and reminds me of one of my husband's law school friend's ex-girlfriends who was always up in everyone's business and kind of a spaz. But she's good at what she does and she brings out the best in her partners, so if Rob actually makes it to the finals it'll be because Cheryl is a brilliant teacher.
Speaking of Maks, he brought Hope Solo home to meet his family last week, and even after seeing Mama Maks and hearing stories about what a whiny little crybaby he used to be, I still think he's a douche. And also, I usually assume he's hooking up with his partners, but with Hope I never really got that vibe, so I couldn't really wrap my brain around the sight of him taking her home to Mom and Dad for a home cooked meal that looked DELICIOUS. However, Maks seems to have gotten it through his head that he catches more flies with honey than with being a petulant, megalomaniac douchebag, because he actually smiled and played nice this week and it didn't seem fake, for once. I absolutely adored Hope's Quickstep to "Valerie," which was fun and breezy and quite sweet. If she can do that again next week it'll be tough deciding whether she or Rob should go home.
Her Jive to "The Best Damn Thing" was also quite good, though I had to laugh when they kept dancing even after the song ended. D'oh! Timing FAIL! I'm glad she scored even just one point higher for her Jive than Rob did, because hers was actually much better.
The only reason I have to root against Ricki Lake is that I feel like the Hough siblings dominate this competition, and quite frankly, I grow weary of their wholesome blond perfection. But that's my personal itch to scratch. Otherwise Ricki is lovely, and her Waltz to "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman" was touching and emotional, and I'm surprised Carrie Ann didn't do her usual "I"m trying not to cry!" she does after almost every Waltz. Also, what was up with Ricki's massive pompadour hair?
Ricki had to do her Jive to "Land of a Thousand Dances," which is not a song I would ever choose for DWTS. It's a fun song, and I love Wilson Pickett, but I would think that, ironically, it's a tough song to do a ballroom dance to. Still, if anyone could pull it off it's Mr. "I Can't Fail!" Derek, and their Jive was pretty good. Not great, but a few beats better than average, even despite Ricki being forced to dig her heels into the floor during the turn so that the Lift Nazi Carrie Ann wouldn't dock her a point.
Oh, Nancy Grace. You're so cute thinking you were going to make it past this week without any of the other four breaking a leg. Kudos for not giving in to what has to be all-consuming jealousy and pulling a Tonya Harding. That's restraint, people.
Nancy's Tango to "The Naughty Lady of Shady Lane" was a noble effort, but lackluster. Her footwork was sloppy, and I did not understand the judges gushing over her. Also, WTF is up with that song? It made me feel icky inside.
Nancy's Jive to "Upside Down" was just plain not good. No, worse than that - it was painful to watch. I cringed. And this is why she could never win this competition: she lacks the stamina to do more than one dance per night and can't hold her shit together the way the others can.
La la la, J.R. Martinez's Waltz to "What the World Needs Now" was perfect and so was his Jive to "Tutti Frutti." We all know he's going to win, so at this point the question is simply, who will be his competition in the finals? Ricki is the obvious choice, but Rob and Hope should not be counted out just yet.
So, Nancy got sent home to the surprise of no one, except possibly Nancy. Was that all bluff when she talked about being down but not out yet? Or did she really think she had a chance? Either way, she made it farther than I thought she would, so that's something for her to be proud of. I will miss Tristan and his cute little accent and his cute little costumes, though.
Next week is the semi-finals, and I honestly can't even begin to predict what will happen. J.R. will make it for sure, and odds are Ricki will, too. I think next week will be devoted to Rob vs Hope for the third spot in the finals, and your guess is as good as mine about which one will make it. If Rob can bring the energy and focus he did this week, and if Hope can relax and trust Maks like she did this week, then it will be a very tight race, indeed. Stay tuned!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Dancing With the Stars Post-Mortem: Week 7
Last night I almost missed watching the cut at the end of the results show because I had a tired hangover from Halloween. Tired hangover. It's a thing. Especially when you are 5 months pregnant, and spent several hours on Halloween schlepping a 3-year old trick-or-treating around a neighborhood not named Park Flat, or Park Plateau, but Park Slope. It was all totally worth it because my son, the Juban Princeling, is a Halloween natural. He kicked ass at TOTing. He did not eat all his candy in one night. He stood with me for half an hour to wait for a parade that lasted all of 5 minutes. (Park Slope Civic Council FAIL!)
But it wore me out, and yesterday's hour-long battle with Time Warner over their locking me out of the Pay Xpress system (don't get me started) was not exactly restful. Sometimes I get annoyed that the results show is on at 9 instead of 8 so that I have to stay up until 10 to see who gets the boot. Because I am a pregnant old lady who likes to call it a day at approximately 7:30. No, really. I finished "The Night Circus" last week, and texted my friend NoLa about it because she's the one who encouraged me to read it, and we decided that we would love to do a real life "Night Circus," but for us it would have to be more like a late afternoon circus because we are two tired ladies.
Anyhoodle.
Monday night's performances were pretty much train wreck-free, unless you count the group Tango, which I might.
Me: What are they, zombie mental patients?
Husband: The men are, but I don't know what the women are supposed to be.
Me: Also mental patients. They're wearing sexy straight jackets.
Husband: Is that what those costumes are?
This then lead to a discussion of one young woman I saw in our nabe on Halloween, who could not have been more than 15 years old, TOTing with her family, including her mother and little brothers, wearing a slutty SWAT team member costume: tight black tank top, hot pants that barely covered her toush, fishnet tights, and stripper boots. Oh, young lady. *smh*
So the night was relatively drama-free, though I felt obligated to comment during Hope Solo's rehearsal video package that Maks probably "hurt" his "toe" when he shoved his foot into his mouth last week. Har har.
I also felt obligated to comment that Hope seems to dance better when she's not practicing with Maks. Just saying.
The night began with David Arquette's Cha Cha to the Steve Miller Band's "Abracadabra." While I generally believe you can't go wrong with the SMB, I wasn't impressed with David's dance. He kept improving for a while, but he seems to have stagnated. The judges, though gushed all over his performance like he did something wonderful. Did they watch the same dance I watched? I felt almost embarrassed for them all, the judges and David, because it all felt so forced and fake.
Now, listen. I love the Ghostbusters as much as the next Gen Xer. And I'm impressed that Karina could walk in that outfit, much less Tango in it. But the judges were right: this wasn't J.R. Martinez's best dance. He's better than this, and all I can think is that, like with Movie Week, he got bogged down in his character, his costume, and the acting part, which caused the dance part of his dance to suffer. You're better than this, J.R. Stop losing focus!
You know how sometimes you'll go years and years without hearing a song, and then suddenly it's everywhere? That's how this week's been for me with Charlie Daniels's "The Devil Went Down to Georgia." Friday I baked some Halloween cookies and put on Pandora's Halloween station, and that was the first song to pop up. Then Nancy Grace did her sad little Jive to it. And sad it was: even my husband called her dance flat, and this is a guy who hates this show with a visceral passion. (Yet somehow notices the nuances of each dance.) I would like to point out, though, that I really, really liked Tristan's costume. If nothing else, Tristan gets a "10" from me for his winning costume designs week after week.
Maybe I'm remembering this wrong, but several seasons ago didn't Mel B. and Maks also do a Tango to "The Addams Family" theme? Yes? No? Anyway, it was Rob Kardashian's turn this week, and he did really well, despite being - I'm sure - totally broken up over his sister's divorce. *eyeroll* The final championship dance will surely come down to Ricki Lake vs. J.R. Martinez, but I wouldn't be surprised if Rob shows up in the final three - and, there's a long but definite possibility he could challenge J.R. for the final instead of Ricki. You heard it here, folks.
Ricki Lake is my new hero. If I get so much as an ingrown toenail I'm laid up for a week, but she not only Tangoed to Beyonce's "Sweet Dreams," she kicked ass at it. Hers was, by far, the best dance of the night. A lesser competitor would outwardly reluctantly, but inwardly happily, use this as an excuse to bow out of the show, but Ricki pressed on. First the Roger Rabbit, now this. Dayum, girl!
OK, I sort of love the song "Werewolves of London" by Warren Zevon, so I forgive Hope Solo for doing last week's dance to that abysmal piece of crap from Rent. Plus, she danced well! The Samba isn't easy, but Hope nailed it, and got really into character without losing herself. Ahem, J.R. Probably because, like I said, she didn't rehearse with Maks. I know I pick on him a lot, but he reminds me of so many guys I've known in my life, guys who are really good at one thing and think that makes them better than everyone else in the entire world. I'm probably projecting a lot here, but it's fun to pick on Maks, and I feel like he kind of needs to be picked on in a non-flirty way by someone who isn't intimidated by his looks or overconfidence. And yes, I'm just the girl for that job. Know who else was up for that job? Mel B. and Layla Ali - and Maks got them both all the way to the semi-finals.
So then we got to the Team Dances, which I don't understand doing in the same season as the Group Dance. But I'm not a producer at ABC, so who cares what I think?
Team Tango went first: David, J.R., and Nancy. Here's their problem: Nancy and David are the two weakest dancers left, and even J.R.'s superiority this season couldn't save them from what was little more than a giant mess. I found the overall choreography uninspired and the individual dances sloppy. Generally you can't go wrong doing a Rhianna song - in this instance, "Disturbia," - but somehow Team Tango managed it.
Team Paso - Ricki, Rob, and Hope - on the other hand, did amazing. From the costumes to the song to the story to the dance itself, they nailed it. And you want to hear something cool? Even while they danced to Evanescence's "Bring Me To Life," my really good friend was at an Evanescence concert! OK, maybe that's only cool to me. It's a really good, strong song.
Husband: I think I like this song. Yeah, I do like it.
Me: Everyone likes this song. It's one of those songs that no one doesn't like.
The Team Paso dance was one of those performances that comes along only once or twice a season that really highlights what the show is all about: taking "regular" "stars" and turning them into competitive ballroom dancers. It helps that Hope and Rob are far better dancers than David and Nancy. (Side note: Let's notice again how Maks wasn't available for Hope - this time because he lost his shit and stormed out - so Derek took over and helped her and SHE WAS A BETTER DANCER FOR IT.)
Now, before I get to the cut, I have a few words about the results show:
Justin Bieber? Huh? Since I am no longer young enough to be allowed to watch the MTVs, nor do I listen to the radio, this was the first time I've seen or heard a Justin Bieber song and I was not impressed. I was a 14-year old girl once, and I was hardcore into New Kids on the Block (Hard. Core.), but I like to think that even I had better taste than this. And isn't he supposed to have the hair? The floppy bangs, or whatever?
And WTF were Boys II Men doing backing him up? I just felt a disturbance in the Force, as if the entire 1990s decade cried out and then were silenced.
And also: Derek will just use any ol' excuse to dance shirtless, won't he? I bet he wishes he could do every dance of every show naked.
So, David got eliminated this week, which is just as I predicted two weeks ago when I said, "The week after Chaz goes, thus goes David." Do I think this was justified? Well, yes. As stated earlier, David seems to have stagnated in his improvement.
However, David's elimination over Nancy this week proves the point of Maks's rant, that the judging is inconsistent at best. Just look at this season. Chynna Phillips was by far a much better dancer than Chaz Bono, David Arquette, or Nancy Grace, but she got booted off for one bad dance. Nancy and David have been pretty equal in their abilities, and David wasn't great this week, but Nancy was terrible. Based on what happened to Chynna, Nancy should have gone home this week, at least you'd think so. It's what I predicted would happen. Instead, David got the cut, and while I do think he deserved to go, I also think that his leaving in a week when he wasn't the worst dance of the night proves how little of the show is actually about dancing well.
Adios, Joker. (Geddit?)
Next week: Well, I have no idea, because as soon as Tom Bergeron said David's name I shut off the TV and went to bed. But I'm going to guess that Nancy will be as shocked as the rest of America is to find herself in the final 5, Ricki's rib will get worse but she'll keep going, and J.R. and Karina will bitch and moan about their lackluster performance this week. Stay tuned!
But it wore me out, and yesterday's hour-long battle with Time Warner over their locking me out of the Pay Xpress system (don't get me started) was not exactly restful. Sometimes I get annoyed that the results show is on at 9 instead of 8 so that I have to stay up until 10 to see who gets the boot. Because I am a pregnant old lady who likes to call it a day at approximately 7:30. No, really. I finished "The Night Circus" last week, and texted my friend NoLa about it because she's the one who encouraged me to read it, and we decided that we would love to do a real life "Night Circus," but for us it would have to be more like a late afternoon circus because we are two tired ladies.
Anyhoodle.
Monday night's performances were pretty much train wreck-free, unless you count the group Tango, which I might.
Me: What are they, zombie mental patients?
Husband: The men are, but I don't know what the women are supposed to be.
Me: Also mental patients. They're wearing sexy straight jackets.
Husband: Is that what those costumes are?
This then lead to a discussion of one young woman I saw in our nabe on Halloween, who could not have been more than 15 years old, TOTing with her family, including her mother and little brothers, wearing a slutty SWAT team member costume: tight black tank top, hot pants that barely covered her toush, fishnet tights, and stripper boots. Oh, young lady. *smh*
So the night was relatively drama-free, though I felt obligated to comment during Hope Solo's rehearsal video package that Maks probably "hurt" his "toe" when he shoved his foot into his mouth last week. Har har.
I also felt obligated to comment that Hope seems to dance better when she's not practicing with Maks. Just saying.
The night began with David Arquette's Cha Cha to the Steve Miller Band's "Abracadabra." While I generally believe you can't go wrong with the SMB, I wasn't impressed with David's dance. He kept improving for a while, but he seems to have stagnated. The judges, though gushed all over his performance like he did something wonderful. Did they watch the same dance I watched? I felt almost embarrassed for them all, the judges and David, because it all felt so forced and fake.
Now, listen. I love the Ghostbusters as much as the next Gen Xer. And I'm impressed that Karina could walk in that outfit, much less Tango in it. But the judges were right: this wasn't J.R. Martinez's best dance. He's better than this, and all I can think is that, like with Movie Week, he got bogged down in his character, his costume, and the acting part, which caused the dance part of his dance to suffer. You're better than this, J.R. Stop losing focus!
You know how sometimes you'll go years and years without hearing a song, and then suddenly it's everywhere? That's how this week's been for me with Charlie Daniels's "The Devil Went Down to Georgia." Friday I baked some Halloween cookies and put on Pandora's Halloween station, and that was the first song to pop up. Then Nancy Grace did her sad little Jive to it. And sad it was: even my husband called her dance flat, and this is a guy who hates this show with a visceral passion. (Yet somehow notices the nuances of each dance.) I would like to point out, though, that I really, really liked Tristan's costume. If nothing else, Tristan gets a "10" from me for his winning costume designs week after week.
Maybe I'm remembering this wrong, but several seasons ago didn't Mel B. and Maks also do a Tango to "The Addams Family" theme? Yes? No? Anyway, it was Rob Kardashian's turn this week, and he did really well, despite being - I'm sure - totally broken up over his sister's divorce. *eyeroll* The final championship dance will surely come down to Ricki Lake vs. J.R. Martinez, but I wouldn't be surprised if Rob shows up in the final three - and, there's a long but definite possibility he could challenge J.R. for the final instead of Ricki. You heard it here, folks.
Ricki Lake is my new hero. If I get so much as an ingrown toenail I'm laid up for a week, but she not only Tangoed to Beyonce's "Sweet Dreams," she kicked ass at it. Hers was, by far, the best dance of the night. A lesser competitor would outwardly reluctantly, but inwardly happily, use this as an excuse to bow out of the show, but Ricki pressed on. First the Roger Rabbit, now this. Dayum, girl!
OK, I sort of love the song "Werewolves of London" by Warren Zevon, so I forgive Hope Solo for doing last week's dance to that abysmal piece of crap from Rent. Plus, she danced well! The Samba isn't easy, but Hope nailed it, and got really into character without losing herself. Ahem, J.R. Probably because, like I said, she didn't rehearse with Maks. I know I pick on him a lot, but he reminds me of so many guys I've known in my life, guys who are really good at one thing and think that makes them better than everyone else in the entire world. I'm probably projecting a lot here, but it's fun to pick on Maks, and I feel like he kind of needs to be picked on in a non-flirty way by someone who isn't intimidated by his looks or overconfidence. And yes, I'm just the girl for that job. Know who else was up for that job? Mel B. and Layla Ali - and Maks got them both all the way to the semi-finals.
So then we got to the Team Dances, which I don't understand doing in the same season as the Group Dance. But I'm not a producer at ABC, so who cares what I think?
Team Tango went first: David, J.R., and Nancy. Here's their problem: Nancy and David are the two weakest dancers left, and even J.R.'s superiority this season couldn't save them from what was little more than a giant mess. I found the overall choreography uninspired and the individual dances sloppy. Generally you can't go wrong doing a Rhianna song - in this instance, "Disturbia," - but somehow Team Tango managed it.
Team Paso - Ricki, Rob, and Hope - on the other hand, did amazing. From the costumes to the song to the story to the dance itself, they nailed it. And you want to hear something cool? Even while they danced to Evanescence's "Bring Me To Life," my really good friend was at an Evanescence concert! OK, maybe that's only cool to me. It's a really good, strong song.
Husband: I think I like this song. Yeah, I do like it.
Me: Everyone likes this song. It's one of those songs that no one doesn't like.
The Team Paso dance was one of those performances that comes along only once or twice a season that really highlights what the show is all about: taking "regular" "stars" and turning them into competitive ballroom dancers. It helps that Hope and Rob are far better dancers than David and Nancy. (Side note: Let's notice again how Maks wasn't available for Hope - this time because he lost his shit and stormed out - so Derek took over and helped her and SHE WAS A BETTER DANCER FOR IT.)
Now, before I get to the cut, I have a few words about the results show:
Justin Bieber? Huh? Since I am no longer young enough to be allowed to watch the MTVs, nor do I listen to the radio, this was the first time I've seen or heard a Justin Bieber song and I was not impressed. I was a 14-year old girl once, and I was hardcore into New Kids on the Block (Hard. Core.), but I like to think that even I had better taste than this. And isn't he supposed to have the hair? The floppy bangs, or whatever?
And WTF were Boys II Men doing backing him up? I just felt a disturbance in the Force, as if the entire 1990s decade cried out and then were silenced.
And also: Derek will just use any ol' excuse to dance shirtless, won't he? I bet he wishes he could do every dance of every show naked.
So, David got eliminated this week, which is just as I predicted two weeks ago when I said, "The week after Chaz goes, thus goes David." Do I think this was justified? Well, yes. As stated earlier, David seems to have stagnated in his improvement.
However, David's elimination over Nancy this week proves the point of Maks's rant, that the judging is inconsistent at best. Just look at this season. Chynna Phillips was by far a much better dancer than Chaz Bono, David Arquette, or Nancy Grace, but she got booted off for one bad dance. Nancy and David have been pretty equal in their abilities, and David wasn't great this week, but Nancy was terrible. Based on what happened to Chynna, Nancy should have gone home this week, at least you'd think so. It's what I predicted would happen. Instead, David got the cut, and while I do think he deserved to go, I also think that his leaving in a week when he wasn't the worst dance of the night proves how little of the show is actually about dancing well.
Adios, Joker. (Geddit?)
Next week: Well, I have no idea, because as soon as Tom Bergeron said David's name I shut off the TV and went to bed. But I'm going to guess that Nancy will be as shocked as the rest of America is to find herself in the final 5, Ricki's rib will get worse but she'll keep going, and J.R. and Karina will bitch and moan about their lackluster performance this week. Stay tuned!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Dancing With the Stars Post-Mortem: Week 6
Listen, World, I have to ask you something, and please be honest with me: For those of you who live in Not New York, were you to come here on a vacation, would you seriously go see "Sister Act" on Broadway?
And if your answer is (correctly), "No," then how about this. What if all the other (real) Broadway shows were sold out? Then would you go see it, or would you find something else to do, like, say, ANYTHING else?
I don't get why people keep putting movies on Broadway. Is the Great White Way really so vacant of talented young writers penning new, original material?
Then again, I'm not the best judge of what other, more normal people, like and don't like. The husband and I recently watched "The Social Network," and I seriously did not get why a)this was made into a movie, b)everyone freaking loves it, c)it was nominated for Oscars.
But I do like DWTS, and that's why we're here.
This week's Train Wreck was, for once, NOT the work of the couple sent home. We'll get to that...
Do you think that when Kristen Chenowith gushed about how much she enjoyed Broadway Week, she was really seething on the inside that no one did a number from "Wicked?" I did. I seethed. I love Wicked. (I also think that KC should have been cast as Effie Trinket in the "Hunger Games" movie, but I digress.)
I don't understand how "Walk Like a Man" from Jersey Boys is a Broadway song. It's a regular song, that is part of a jukebox musical. It's the kind of Broadway show my father likes because he already knows all the songs because he is a million years old and remembers when they all hit big the first time around back in 10 Gadjillion B.C. or whatever. I could think of a MILLION original Broadway songs that could have been featured in this show that were not once regular songs. "Shall We Dance?" from The King & I. "The Lusty Month of May" from Camelot. "Wonder of Wonders" from Fiddler On the Roof. Anything from A Chorus Line. And so on and so forth. My point is that I do not get how "Walk Like a Man" somehow made it into Broadway Week. But, whatever. Rob Kardashian's Cha-Cha was good when he shook his booty, Ok when he and Cheryl were in hold, and bad when he was by himself. We've seen him dance better, so he'd better get his act together next week.
OK, OK, I know I just complained about movies being put on Broadway, but I do kind of like Spamalot. What can I say, I'm a sucker for Python. Know what else I'm a sucker for? Dudes dressed as knights. So there was no way I wasn't going to like Nancy Grace's Foxtrot to "Always Look On the Bright Side of Life" with Tristan being so damn cute in his little costume that I could just eat him up. This was my favorite dance of the night. Also, Nancy? You can rock the long hair. Just saying.
Pay attention now, because I am about to blow your mind. David Arquette did a Quickstep to "We Go Together" from Grease, right? Which stars John Travolta, right? Who also starred in the movie based on the Broadway show based on the movie of "Hairspray," right? WHICH ORIGINALLY STARRED RICKI LAKE WHO IS ALSO ON THIS SEASON'S DWTS. I'll give you a moment to put your brains back together. David did well, and he and Kym were super cute, and I like when he does his celebrity impressions, but I still give him another two weeks at most before he hits the road.
More confessions: Guys and Dolls is my favorite Broadway show ever. I love Camelot because my mother and I are heavy into Arthuriana, but Guys and Dolls is my all-time fave. I can't think of a single song from that show I don't like. (Unlike with Camelot, where I puke every time I have to hear "I Loved You Once in Silence.") So when Ricki Lake (see above) got out there to do a Quickstep to "Luck Be a Lady," I just about swooned with joy. FINALLY someone on the show was doing a REAL Broadway showtune, knowwhatimean? Also, here's a little bit of triva: my great-uncle Frank Richards was an extra in the 1955 movie version of "Guys and Dolls." Scroll down to his name - if you watch the movie (which you should) he's the guy carrying all those packages in the title number. Uncle Frank also had a bit part in an episode of "Different Strokes," where he played a security guard on the set of "Knight Rider" who chased off Arnold and Dudley when they tried to hassle the Hoff. I AM TWO DEGREES OF SEPARATION FROM DAVID HASSELHOFF AND MARLON BRANDO AND FRANK SINATRA, is what I'm saying. Yes, you can have my autograph.
I'm not going to pretend like I am too good to enjoy Phantom of the Opera. I do, I love it. I thought that the song was a good match for Chaz's Tango, despite Bruno's poo-pooing of it. But I'm not surprised that Chaz got sent home for it. I've said in my last two DWTS posts that he didn't have much longer to go this season. But Chaz was not the Train Wreck of the week...
P.S. Is it just me, or did Lacey look totally like Gwen Stefani with her hair and makeup like that?
When Karina told J.R. Martinez that she was giving him her most complicated choreography she's ever done on the show, do you think somewhere out there Mario Lopez threw something at the TV? They did a totally fine Quickstep to "Hot Honey Rag" from Chicago, and of course it was flawless, and I still think that J.R. will win. At this point it's pretty much a fact, unless something deeply tragic happens to him before then.
Before I launch into this week's Train Wreck that was - not Hope Solo's Rhumba to "Seasons of Love" from Rent itself - but Maks's diatribe, I have to go off on another rant. About Rent. And how much I detest that show. A rant within a rant. A meta-rant, if you will.
I was dragged to see Rent when it first came out on Broadway, and I did not understand it when I was a fresh-faced 20-year old recently moved to NYC, and I especially don't get it now that I am a 35-year old veteran of the Big Apple. In a nutshell, it's about a bunch of dumbass kids squatting in Alphabet City who would rather strip and do drugs and use candles at night rather than selling out and earning a little bit of money which is clearly the worst thing ever ever ever. Oh, no, I'd rather keep filming my stupid friends being stupid rather than "sell out" and have a meal. And I realize this rant makes me sound like a Republican, but listen. I'm a Liberal, not a hippie. I enjoy my showers and food and insulated indoors, thank you.
But I swallowed my revulsion to the song "Seasons of Love," which might be one of the dumbest Broadway songs ever, and kind of liked Hope's dance.
However, as an athlete, I'd think that Hope had thicker skin than she does. How did she make it to the Olympics if she's so sensitive? I'm sensitive, but I'm not a world-class athlete, so no one cares if I cry because someone calls me not sexy.
That said, Maks was not wrong in his ranty rant. I mean, yeah, he was totally out of line in telling Len that maybe it's time for him to retire. Like, totally out of line. And he was just plain stupid when he called the judges "judgmental." Um, DUR.
But he's right about the inconsistency in the judging - something Derek pointed out in a similar rant several seasons ago. Some stars get judged harsher than others. No one has ever pretended like this show is about actual dancing: it's about charisma and playing to the audience and being entertaining and likable. It's why mediocre dancers like Emmett Smith and Donny Osmond win the trophy. So Macks isn't wrong. And honestly, I'm surprised he hasn't lost his shit sooner: he's one of the few really talented professionals who has been on pretty much every season and has yet to win his partner the mirror ball trophy (Laila Ali or Mel B., anyone?) He just was kind of douchey about it, but I always kind of figured that about him.
Anyway, his apology seemed half-assed, but I don't really blame him. You can't fault a douche for being douchey. And, I am willing to bet money that he and Hope only ended up in the bottom two because of his douchey rant that totally bit the hand that feeds him.
Finally, there was the group dance, which is usually my favorite part of the season. But this season's was a flop, and I didn't blame the judges when they broke from tradition and did not request it as the encore dance.
First of all, I detest the song "Hey Big Spender" from Sweet Charity because back in high school some theatre girls used to perform it at the yearly talent show, and seriously? Sixteen year olds doing a stripper song? At a high school talent show? Every so often the news gets all outraged about the overt sexuality of young kids, but that is nothing new, folks. Back in the early '90s my high school had plenty of girls doing stripper numbers. And ever since then I just can't stomach "Hey Big Spender." I cringed all through that part of the group dance last night, memories of my high school auditorium and braces and flannel shirts (it was the grunge years) running through my head.
But I do love Cabaret. I love it a lot, and I thought that part of the dance, to "Money Money" was quite clever and well done by all. If only the entire group dance could have been that. Or a medley of Cabaret songs.
Next week is Halloween Night, or something like that, which I'm really looking forward to. I mean, how cute were those dancing kids doing "This Is Halloween?" So cute. Loved it. Love Halloween. Can't wait to see what everyone comes up with next week...
And if your answer is (correctly), "No," then how about this. What if all the other (real) Broadway shows were sold out? Then would you go see it, or would you find something else to do, like, say, ANYTHING else?
I don't get why people keep putting movies on Broadway. Is the Great White Way really so vacant of talented young writers penning new, original material?
Then again, I'm not the best judge of what other, more normal people, like and don't like. The husband and I recently watched "The Social Network," and I seriously did not get why a)this was made into a movie, b)everyone freaking loves it, c)it was nominated for Oscars.
But I do like DWTS, and that's why we're here.
This week's Train Wreck was, for once, NOT the work of the couple sent home. We'll get to that...
Do you think that when Kristen Chenowith gushed about how much she enjoyed Broadway Week, she was really seething on the inside that no one did a number from "Wicked?" I did. I seethed. I love Wicked. (I also think that KC should have been cast as Effie Trinket in the "Hunger Games" movie, but I digress.)
I don't understand how "Walk Like a Man" from Jersey Boys is a Broadway song. It's a regular song, that is part of a jukebox musical. It's the kind of Broadway show my father likes because he already knows all the songs because he is a million years old and remembers when they all hit big the first time around back in 10 Gadjillion B.C. or whatever. I could think of a MILLION original Broadway songs that could have been featured in this show that were not once regular songs. "Shall We Dance?" from The King & I. "The Lusty Month of May" from Camelot. "Wonder of Wonders" from Fiddler On the Roof. Anything from A Chorus Line. And so on and so forth. My point is that I do not get how "Walk Like a Man" somehow made it into Broadway Week. But, whatever. Rob Kardashian's Cha-Cha was good when he shook his booty, Ok when he and Cheryl were in hold, and bad when he was by himself. We've seen him dance better, so he'd better get his act together next week.
OK, OK, I know I just complained about movies being put on Broadway, but I do kind of like Spamalot. What can I say, I'm a sucker for Python. Know what else I'm a sucker for? Dudes dressed as knights. So there was no way I wasn't going to like Nancy Grace's Foxtrot to "Always Look On the Bright Side of Life" with Tristan being so damn cute in his little costume that I could just eat him up. This was my favorite dance of the night. Also, Nancy? You can rock the long hair. Just saying.
Pay attention now, because I am about to blow your mind. David Arquette did a Quickstep to "We Go Together" from Grease, right? Which stars John Travolta, right? Who also starred in the movie based on the Broadway show based on the movie of "Hairspray," right? WHICH ORIGINALLY STARRED RICKI LAKE WHO IS ALSO ON THIS SEASON'S DWTS. I'll give you a moment to put your brains back together. David did well, and he and Kym were super cute, and I like when he does his celebrity impressions, but I still give him another two weeks at most before he hits the road.
More confessions: Guys and Dolls is my favorite Broadway show ever. I love Camelot because my mother and I are heavy into Arthuriana, but Guys and Dolls is my all-time fave. I can't think of a single song from that show I don't like. (Unlike with Camelot, where I puke every time I have to hear "I Loved You Once in Silence.") So when Ricki Lake (see above) got out there to do a Quickstep to "Luck Be a Lady," I just about swooned with joy. FINALLY someone on the show was doing a REAL Broadway showtune, knowwhatimean? Also, here's a little bit of triva: my great-uncle Frank Richards was an extra in the 1955 movie version of "Guys and Dolls." Scroll down to his name - if you watch the movie (which you should) he's the guy carrying all those packages in the title number. Uncle Frank also had a bit part in an episode of "Different Strokes," where he played a security guard on the set of "Knight Rider" who chased off Arnold and Dudley when they tried to hassle the Hoff. I AM TWO DEGREES OF SEPARATION FROM DAVID HASSELHOFF AND MARLON BRANDO AND FRANK SINATRA, is what I'm saying. Yes, you can have my autograph.
I'm not going to pretend like I am too good to enjoy Phantom of the Opera. I do, I love it. I thought that the song was a good match for Chaz's Tango, despite Bruno's poo-pooing of it. But I'm not surprised that Chaz got sent home for it. I've said in my last two DWTS posts that he didn't have much longer to go this season. But Chaz was not the Train Wreck of the week...
P.S. Is it just me, or did Lacey look totally like Gwen Stefani with her hair and makeup like that?
When Karina told J.R. Martinez that she was giving him her most complicated choreography she's ever done on the show, do you think somewhere out there Mario Lopez threw something at the TV? They did a totally fine Quickstep to "Hot Honey Rag" from Chicago, and of course it was flawless, and I still think that J.R. will win. At this point it's pretty much a fact, unless something deeply tragic happens to him before then.
Before I launch into this week's Train Wreck that was - not Hope Solo's Rhumba to "Seasons of Love" from Rent itself - but Maks's diatribe, I have to go off on another rant. About Rent. And how much I detest that show. A rant within a rant. A meta-rant, if you will.
I was dragged to see Rent when it first came out on Broadway, and I did not understand it when I was a fresh-faced 20-year old recently moved to NYC, and I especially don't get it now that I am a 35-year old veteran of the Big Apple. In a nutshell, it's about a bunch of dumbass kids squatting in Alphabet City who would rather strip and do drugs and use candles at night rather than selling out and earning a little bit of money which is clearly the worst thing ever ever ever. Oh, no, I'd rather keep filming my stupid friends being stupid rather than "sell out" and have a meal. And I realize this rant makes me sound like a Republican, but listen. I'm a Liberal, not a hippie. I enjoy my showers and food and insulated indoors, thank you.
But I swallowed my revulsion to the song "Seasons of Love," which might be one of the dumbest Broadway songs ever, and kind of liked Hope's dance.
However, as an athlete, I'd think that Hope had thicker skin than she does. How did she make it to the Olympics if she's so sensitive? I'm sensitive, but I'm not a world-class athlete, so no one cares if I cry because someone calls me not sexy.
That said, Maks was not wrong in his ranty rant. I mean, yeah, he was totally out of line in telling Len that maybe it's time for him to retire. Like, totally out of line. And he was just plain stupid when he called the judges "judgmental." Um, DUR.
But he's right about the inconsistency in the judging - something Derek pointed out in a similar rant several seasons ago. Some stars get judged harsher than others. No one has ever pretended like this show is about actual dancing: it's about charisma and playing to the audience and being entertaining and likable. It's why mediocre dancers like Emmett Smith and Donny Osmond win the trophy. So Macks isn't wrong. And honestly, I'm surprised he hasn't lost his shit sooner: he's one of the few really talented professionals who has been on pretty much every season and has yet to win his partner the mirror ball trophy (Laila Ali or Mel B., anyone?) He just was kind of douchey about it, but I always kind of figured that about him.
Anyway, his apology seemed half-assed, but I don't really blame him. You can't fault a douche for being douchey. And, I am willing to bet money that he and Hope only ended up in the bottom two because of his douchey rant that totally bit the hand that feeds him.
Finally, there was the group dance, which is usually my favorite part of the season. But this season's was a flop, and I didn't blame the judges when they broke from tradition and did not request it as the encore dance.
First of all, I detest the song "Hey Big Spender" from Sweet Charity because back in high school some theatre girls used to perform it at the yearly talent show, and seriously? Sixteen year olds doing a stripper song? At a high school talent show? Every so often the news gets all outraged about the overt sexuality of young kids, but that is nothing new, folks. Back in the early '90s my high school had plenty of girls doing stripper numbers. And ever since then I just can't stomach "Hey Big Spender." I cringed all through that part of the group dance last night, memories of my high school auditorium and braces and flannel shirts (it was the grunge years) running through my head.
But I do love Cabaret. I love it a lot, and I thought that part of the dance, to "Money Money" was quite clever and well done by all. If only the entire group dance could have been that. Or a medley of Cabaret songs.
Next week is Halloween Night, or something like that, which I'm really looking forward to. I mean, how cute were those dancing kids doing "This Is Halloween?" So cute. Loved it. Love Halloween. Can't wait to see what everyone comes up with next week...
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Dancing With the Stars Post-Mortem: Week 5
I had to watch this week's episode on ABC.com the day after it aired, because Monday was my husband's birthday and I had to go out to dinner with him or whatever. I think he had his birthday on a Monday on purpose so he wouldn't have to watch DWTS. And then, of course, less than a week after crawling back to the Dark Side with our tails between our legs and re-installing cable, our DVR neglected to record the show for me. It records everything else, but I'm pretty sure Time Warner is in cahoots with my husband to keep DWTS out of our home. I'M ON TO YOU JERKS!
So I had to watch the episode streaming from my computer, which meant I was subject to the same goram ads about a zillion times. No joke, at some point I watched the same commercial for "How to Succeed In Business Without Trying" starring Harry Potter FOUR TIMES IN A ROW. Four. I'm not making that up. And I swear to dog, if I have to see that idiotic Bank of America commercial one more time I will cut a bitch. I will.
Deep breath, Mer. We're here for the dancing and the train wrecks. Focus.
This was 80s Week, which I don't think is so much a dancing show theme as it is a collective nightmare we all had. Right? Who else remembers the 80s? I'm actually amazed any of us survived, what with all the hairspray we inhaled and the colors that should have blinded us. My grandmother died in 1983, and since it was the 80s nobody cared about children so instead of being sent to a child psychologist to deal with my grief I had to suck it up. AND, even worse, I still had my natural hair color, no braces yet, and no boobs. Why on earth would I remember the 80s fondly?
Anyway, everyone on DWTS except for Tom Bergeron - who I'm pretty sure is a cyborg - made their hair really big and put on shoulder pads and bright colors that give the middle finger to any color found in nature, and we had an 80s show.
And the Bangles performed. Badly.
Speaking of performances, not that I'm complaining, but can anyone remember the last time the men wore actual shirts for the opening dance?
Last week Hope Solo did one of my favorite dances of the night, but this week I felt embarrassed for her, and not just because she did a Tango to - god help me - Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer." Feeling embarrassed for someone else is almost worse than feeling embarrassed for yourself and I DON'T LIKE FEELING THAT WAY, OK HOPE? She showed so much potential last week, but this week her dance felt stressful. Like she was trying too hard. I could almost hear her internal voice saying, "Be sexy! Finish your lines!" Hope, here's some free advice: while Len is only trying to help, you can't take every word he says too seriously. Listen to Maks, who, despite seeming like kind of a douche is actually a really good dancer and can bring out the best in his partners. Relax. Have fun. You have natural ability, so try not to kill yourself over this, yeah? Also, my husband has a crush on you because he likes "pretty but scary" women (his words), so as long as you stay in the competition he'll reluctantly watch the show with me. For you. No pressure, girl.
I'm glad that Tristan listened to me last week and pushed Nancy Grace into some more complicated choreography. It paid off: Nancy's Rhumba to Spandau Ballet's "True," which is an awesome song, was really good. The Rhumba is not my favorite dance because it always looks like the interpretive dance of a really terrible movie sex scene, but it has a special place in my heart because my husband and I did a Rhumba for our wedding dance. (To the Beatles' "And I Love Her." Don't pretend like you didn't just say, "Awwww!") And Tristan? HUGE props for NOT doing the usual "We're in our sexy pajamas!" costumes for the Rhumba. Seriously. So. Over. That. Anyway, Nancy's Rhumba hit the spot and I think she did a really good job last night. Good girl, Nancy.
J.R. Martinez. Oh my freaking god, what a dance! I want to live inside his Samba. This dance is what is going to win him the mirror ball trophy. I miss the encore dances, and I really hoped they'd ask Jose Rene to do his Samba, to Miami Sound Machine's "Conga," again. (Miami, whatwhat!)
Rob Kardashian did a pretty good Rhumba to Lionel Richie's "Hello," but I think Nancy Grace's was better. Len pointed out that it's hard for the male stars to do the Rhumba well, but I would go so far as to say that it's even harder to do with Cheryl, who has such a strong, domineering personality. Not that that's a bad thing, but I think that Rob's been a little intimidated by Cheryl, and even though his Rhumba was fine, I think it could have been better.
Chaz Bono no longer has a sour puss about being on the show, thankfully. I actually managed to enjoy his Samba to Kool & The Gang's "Get Down On It," but I still think that at this point he's got maybe three weeks left, tops. Also, when Tom mentioned that Chaz and Lacey were going to Samba to Kool & The Gang, but didn't mention which song, am I the only one who hoped it would be "Jungle Boogie?"
I admit, when I saw David Arquette's costume, I thought he and Kym might be doing a Tango to something by The Sex Pistols. Or at least, The Clash. Then I realized: it probably defies the laws of physics to do any kind of dance to The Sex Pistols, plus then we'd have to hear Cyborg Tom say the word "sex," and no one wants that. But a Tango to "London Calling" might have been kind of awesome. Just saying. Then again, maybe that's more of a Paso song. Anyway, he was competent, but I don't think he's a contender like J.R. or Hope or Ricki are. I think that the week after Chaz goes, thus goes David.
I nearly peed myself when John Waters showed up at Ricki Lake's rehearsal. Who doesn't love John Waters? Terrorists, that's who. Despite what the judges said, I kind of dug her Roger Rabbits. I never did master that particular dance craze from the late 80s, so good on ya, Ricki. But Derek was right, doing a Foxtrot to Phil Collin's "Easy Lover" was not a great pairing, so whatever little blips and bloops happened in her dance I'm just going to pin on the idiot producers. Dumbasses.
And now we come to this week's Train Wreck: Carson Kressley's Jive to Wham!'s "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go." I almost could not watch this. I knew he would get eliminated for this dance, but I don't blame him - he's been charismatic and charming and I have been rooting for him so hard. I blame Anna for his departure, though my husband flicked me for saying so because if there's anything he loves more than "pretty but scary" women it's "pretty, scary, and red-headed" women. AHEM. Anna's been my husband's long-term DWTS crush ever since Juliana Hough left the show, so he's heartbroken that she's gone. And, again I will say, for someone who hates the show with the vitriol that he does, he's keeping a rather close eye on it, huh? Anyway, I blame Anna because this Jive: a)had no Jive in it; and b)highlighted Carson's weaknesses instead of playing up his strengths. Yes, he's showy, but that was no reason to force the guy to do high kicks (painful to watch) or jumps (ouch). Unlike last week's Chynna Philips Train Wreck, which was one of those unfortunate things that just happens, this week Carson got eliminated because of Anna's poor choreography choices. *wagging finger at Anna*
Still, what a good sport, eh? "I'll still be in the audience cheering on my team mates!" Love you, Carson. Fair thee well.
Next week: Maks mumbles some words of encouragement; Cheryl gets annoyed; and the boys all take their shirts off. Stay tuned!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Dancing With the Stars Post-Mortem: Week 4
Welcome to a new weekly feature here on Grey Skies, the DWTS post-mortem, in which your humble blogess tells you exactly what you should think about the week's dances and elimination, and why, if you disagree with me, you are wrong. I have been watching DWTS for years, ever since Season 3, when a co-worker of mine said, "No, trust me, just watch. It's awesome." And I did. And it was!
My husband, a usually calm and laid back, chill kind of guy, hates this show with the type of toxic virulence he usually reserves for Republican presidential candidates. But he loves me, so he puts up with it. Grudgingly. And with many noisy complaints. ("Live! From my personal Hell! It's Dancing With the Stars!") And usually with his new iPhone in hand to distract him from the agony of having to watch "stars" do their "dancing" on our TV.
If you are one of those "I need 'SPOILER ALERT!!1!!!!' written on everything or else I will sue you!" types, then please avert your eyes nowish.
I know, I know. Enough coddling. Let's just jump in, shall we?
Week 4's theme was "Movie Scores," and I have to say, I kind of loved it. I don't usually like when the couples use props and other stupid stuff like benches or hats in their dances, but I like movie score week. It's just fun, you know? Kind of cheeky, kind of cute. I dig it.
And I think that most of the stars liked getting into character for their dances this week. The actors especially - Ricki Lake and David Arquette - really nailed this one. Of course, that's to be expected, right? They're actors! Give them a character and they will act! And though I like Ricki Lake a lot, and I think she will go far in this competition, I don't think she was 29-worthy. Part of it is that I hate when the judges bust out their "10" paddles too early in the season, but part of it is that I think her dance was good, and a 29 should be reserved for a really great dance. Hers was maybe a 25 or 26.
David Arquette did amazing, I thought, especially considering his past dances have been kind of blah. As my husband so eloquently put it last night, the guy's brain seems to have been fried from his substance abuse and now he's just a space cadet. (Husband's words, not mine. For someone who hates the show so much, he pays an awful lot of attention, knowwhatImean?) I don't know if it was getting into character as Indiana Jones that did it for him or what, but he nailed that Paso Doble. I hope this dance gives him some confidence and he comes back next week doing equally well or better, because I really like seeing Courtney Cox and their daughter Coco in the audience.
My two favorite dances of the night were, by far, Hope Solo's Foxtrot and Carson Kressley's Viennese Waltz. I know that Carson isn't the judges' favorite, and he probably won't make it past week 6 or 7 because that's how this show works, but I like him a lot. He's funny, he's fun, and his dances are consistently entertaining. And Hope is a much better dancer than she seems at first, but most of the athletes are. Except you, Mr. Ron Artest I don't care about your stupid new name! My only problem with Hope is her professional partner, Maks, who is probably my lease favorite of the pros. He's just too conceited for me, and I don't like how he mumbles. You have an accent! Try to articulate better so I can at least hear you, even if I can't understand you! A few years ago I tried that DWTS exercise video starring Maks and Cheryl, and, seriously, Maks is, like, comatose for the whole thing. Just...blech, Maks. Anyway, Hope did a super-cute dance to the Toy Story song (does Disney actually own Randy Newman, or what?) with her nephew in the audience IN A BUZZ LIGHTYEAR COSTUME. I COULD SERIOUSLY DIE OF ADORABLE OMGNOMNOMNOM.
Nancy Grace was OK. I think she could be a decent dancer, and I know Tristan is newish, but I'm not digging his choreography. I think he plays it safe, and maybe that's because Nancy isn't as strong a dancer as some of the others, but their dances are kind of zzzzz.... to watch, and I fully blame Tristan for that, even though he is kind of a hottie. I kind of wanted Nancy to be eliminated this week, though. Not because I don't like her, but because I think hers are the weakest of all the dances overall.
I've been supporting Chaz Bono from the start because I identify as an LGBTQ-ally, and because I wanted to see Cher in the audience. Maybe she could perform a song on one of the results shows? Maybe she could do "If I Could Turn Back Time" for us? Cher? You listening? But let's face it: Chaz seemed utterly disappointed last week when he didn't get sent home, and even though his Paso was pretty good this week, I think he still wants to go home. Either that or he's just massively media unfriendly. Either way, I think voting him off soon will be a mercy for everyone and for Chaz most of all.
Me: "If my kid was on this show, I'd be in the audience for every single episode."
Husband: "Maybe the producers told Cher to wait, so people would have to keep voting to keep Chaz on."
Me: "Yeah, well, if that were the Juban Princeling there, I'd be like, 'Fuck you and your ratings, producers! That's my kid and I'm going to go be there for him!'"
I'm not saying I'm a better mother than Cher is that way - not at all, as I'm sure she can beat me up. I'm just saying we have different mothering styles. Please don't hurt me, Cher.
J.R. Martinez did OK. Last week his dance made me cry my face off, and I think that he may win this whole thing, but this week he was just pretty good. I didn't think he did as badly as the judges thought he did, but he's done better. He's a really good dancer. I worried at first that he'd only get the sympathy vote, but the guy can really, really move. This week, though, he lacked a certain effortlessness he usually has.
Rob Kardashian pleasantly surprised me this week, and even though I can't stand his professional partner Cheryl "Man Stealer" Burke, I kind of crushed out on his Superman-inspired Paso. I was shocked he wound up in the bottom three, but happy that he survived another week. I think he's going to continue to surprise us all. (Note to Carrie-Ann: "Rob Kardashian is a better dancer than Kim Kardashian!" This isn't a competition between siblings, OK? That comment was wholly unnecessary, and, I think, a little mean.)
And so we come to the train wreck of the night, Chynna Phillips's Tango. Oh, Chynna. I'm so sorry you got eliminated this week. I can't believe the audience wasn't more forgiving of her little - ok, major - boo-boo. I fully expected the championship dance to be between her and JR. Was her complete breakdown on the dance floor worth sending her home? I didn't think so. Was it painful to watch? Oh, hell yes. And, since Tony is my favorite professional dancer, I have to say BOO TO YOU, AUDIENCE! You sent my Tony away! Waaaaaaaah!
Next week: Bruno gesticulates wildly; Carrie-Anne gets emotional; Len gives the studio audience dirty looks. Stay tuned!
My husband, a usually calm and laid back, chill kind of guy, hates this show with the type of toxic virulence he usually reserves for Republican presidential candidates. But he loves me, so he puts up with it. Grudgingly. And with many noisy complaints. ("Live! From my personal Hell! It's Dancing With the Stars!") And usually with his new iPhone in hand to distract him from the agony of having to watch "stars" do their "dancing" on our TV.
If you are one of those "I need 'SPOILER ALERT!!1!!!!' written on everything or else I will sue you!" types, then please avert your eyes nowish.
I know, I know. Enough coddling. Let's just jump in, shall we?
Week 4's theme was "Movie Scores," and I have to say, I kind of loved it. I don't usually like when the couples use props and other stupid stuff like benches or hats in their dances, but I like movie score week. It's just fun, you know? Kind of cheeky, kind of cute. I dig it.
And I think that most of the stars liked getting into character for their dances this week. The actors especially - Ricki Lake and David Arquette - really nailed this one. Of course, that's to be expected, right? They're actors! Give them a character and they will act! And though I like Ricki Lake a lot, and I think she will go far in this competition, I don't think she was 29-worthy. Part of it is that I hate when the judges bust out their "10" paddles too early in the season, but part of it is that I think her dance was good, and a 29 should be reserved for a really great dance. Hers was maybe a 25 or 26.
David Arquette did amazing, I thought, especially considering his past dances have been kind of blah. As my husband so eloquently put it last night, the guy's brain seems to have been fried from his substance abuse and now he's just a space cadet. (Husband's words, not mine. For someone who hates the show so much, he pays an awful lot of attention, knowwhatImean?) I don't know if it was getting into character as Indiana Jones that did it for him or what, but he nailed that Paso Doble. I hope this dance gives him some confidence and he comes back next week doing equally well or better, because I really like seeing Courtney Cox and their daughter Coco in the audience.
My two favorite dances of the night were, by far, Hope Solo's Foxtrot and Carson Kressley's Viennese Waltz. I know that Carson isn't the judges' favorite, and he probably won't make it past week 6 or 7 because that's how this show works, but I like him a lot. He's funny, he's fun, and his dances are consistently entertaining. And Hope is a much better dancer than she seems at first, but most of the athletes are. Except you, Mr. Ron Artest I don't care about your stupid new name! My only problem with Hope is her professional partner, Maks, who is probably my lease favorite of the pros. He's just too conceited for me, and I don't like how he mumbles. You have an accent! Try to articulate better so I can at least hear you, even if I can't understand you! A few years ago I tried that DWTS exercise video starring Maks and Cheryl, and, seriously, Maks is, like, comatose for the whole thing. Just...blech, Maks. Anyway, Hope did a super-cute dance to the Toy Story song (does Disney actually own Randy Newman, or what?) with her nephew in the audience IN A BUZZ LIGHTYEAR COSTUME. I COULD SERIOUSLY DIE OF ADORABLE OMGNOMNOMNOM.
Nancy Grace was OK. I think she could be a decent dancer, and I know Tristan is newish, but I'm not digging his choreography. I think he plays it safe, and maybe that's because Nancy isn't as strong a dancer as some of the others, but their dances are kind of zzzzz.... to watch, and I fully blame Tristan for that, even though he is kind of a hottie. I kind of wanted Nancy to be eliminated this week, though. Not because I don't like her, but because I think hers are the weakest of all the dances overall.
I've been supporting Chaz Bono from the start because I identify as an LGBTQ-ally, and because I wanted to see Cher in the audience. Maybe she could perform a song on one of the results shows? Maybe she could do "If I Could Turn Back Time" for us? Cher? You listening? But let's face it: Chaz seemed utterly disappointed last week when he didn't get sent home, and even though his Paso was pretty good this week, I think he still wants to go home. Either that or he's just massively media unfriendly. Either way, I think voting him off soon will be a mercy for everyone and for Chaz most of all.
Me: "If my kid was on this show, I'd be in the audience for every single episode."
Husband: "Maybe the producers told Cher to wait, so people would have to keep voting to keep Chaz on."
Me: "Yeah, well, if that were the Juban Princeling there, I'd be like, 'Fuck you and your ratings, producers! That's my kid and I'm going to go be there for him!'"
I'm not saying I'm a better mother than Cher is that way - not at all, as I'm sure she can beat me up. I'm just saying we have different mothering styles. Please don't hurt me, Cher.
J.R. Martinez did OK. Last week his dance made me cry my face off, and I think that he may win this whole thing, but this week he was just pretty good. I didn't think he did as badly as the judges thought he did, but he's done better. He's a really good dancer. I worried at first that he'd only get the sympathy vote, but the guy can really, really move. This week, though, he lacked a certain effortlessness he usually has.
Rob Kardashian pleasantly surprised me this week, and even though I can't stand his professional partner Cheryl "Man Stealer" Burke, I kind of crushed out on his Superman-inspired Paso. I was shocked he wound up in the bottom three, but happy that he survived another week. I think he's going to continue to surprise us all. (Note to Carrie-Ann: "Rob Kardashian is a better dancer than Kim Kardashian!" This isn't a competition between siblings, OK? That comment was wholly unnecessary, and, I think, a little mean.)
And so we come to the train wreck of the night, Chynna Phillips's Tango. Oh, Chynna. I'm so sorry you got eliminated this week. I can't believe the audience wasn't more forgiving of her little - ok, major - boo-boo. I fully expected the championship dance to be between her and JR. Was her complete breakdown on the dance floor worth sending her home? I didn't think so. Was it painful to watch? Oh, hell yes. And, since Tony is my favorite professional dancer, I have to say BOO TO YOU, AUDIENCE! You sent my Tony away! Waaaaaaaah!
Next week: Bruno gesticulates wildly; Carrie-Anne gets emotional; Len gives the studio audience dirty looks. Stay tuned!
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